East Flatbush Writer

She stood at about 5 feet and maybe two inches. Her skin dark like charcoal, her hair thin and limp, her manicured finger nails varying in lengths, the ring finger on her left hand which was always unusually short and textured from losing it a long time ago. This small bodied woman was a tower of strength, generally cheerful and coy, possessing exceptional emotional and financial intelligence, spiritually-centered, a straight-shooter, generous yet frugal, loving and at the same time skeptical of everyone. A traditional woman who understood the time within which she lived but also adaptable to modern thinking. This is the woman who raised me until I was 13 years old and during that short time, taught me a life full of lessons. Today I would like to share 5 of them with you.

Lesson 1: Have a way to take care of yourself.

My grandmother, attended cosmetology school and learned how to “do hair.” She then went on to work and eventually open and manage her own salon. I spent countless hours of my prepubescent life watching her work magic on the head of every woman, great and small who came to her. Ms. Ella was a relatively successful small business owner in our city. Her shop was always filled with not only customers, but “susu” partners (informal loan clubs) as she routinely ran two or three of them as treasurer at any one time. Her marriage to a high-ranking police officer (my grandfather) did not diminish her desire to make for herself.

Lesson 2: Give your child a skill with their hands.

I still to this day am not able to explain how she taught me to crochet at the tender age of 6 or 7 years old. I have tried a few times with my daughter and wanted to start a bonfire with the yarn while screaming. She taught me that learning to make things are resourceful and a wonderful way to give people gifts you can be proud of. So we made beautiful pieces to adorn furniture, chair backs and cushions. Today I enjoy the peace and solace crocheting provides me while making hats, scarves and sweaters.

Lesson 3: Always stay one step ahead of your food budget.

Every Thursday was “market day” and during the summertime, I was actually allowed to accompany her. With our bags and basket in hand, she would survey the prices and products laid out on the sheet covered ground. She haggled over the cost of potatoes, bananas and dashine, but she was also making decisions based on forecasts. If rice was too expensive, then we would purchase bulgur (yuck!) If the cost of chicken was rising we would buy some actual baby chicks to raise in the coop in our own backyard. I certainly did not like all the replacements, but even then I understood that they were based on the premise of wisdom.

Lesson 4: Reuse, reinvent or recycle. “Gal you mad?” If I had a penny for every time I heard that phrase growing up, you know what I would be…Before recycling became the world’s eco-mandate, Ms Ella had already perfected the philosophy. Plastic bags were gold and could be reused tens of times before discarded. A jar had insurmountable uses, and once I mentioned before in another blog, that a ripped store bought school bag was simply an invitation to have one sewn for you. Nothing, I repeat, nothing was used only once!

Lesson 5: Spend time with your kids.

This doesn’t seem like a huge deal right? It was to me because despite being raised in an old-school Caribbean home with a communal understanding that you show love through what you do and not what you say, Ms Ella still said a lot. She spoke to me every night as we sat in our respective chairs, and crocheted, or watched our favorite night-time dramas, or laughed together over the ridiculousness of people’s actions, even in silence when I was often asked to please stop talking so much, or as a punishment for wrongdoing. She sat there, because she was there, to spend time and invest in my life.